So I am sitting here, eating a
Clark Bar, watching the
CMA Awards, drinking a
Bud. If only there was cheese involved in this moment, I would be offered a green card.
It has been a week since I have updated everyone on what is going on so I have more uniquely American experiences to fill you all in on. I like to think of myself as the intrepid explorer bringing the American “culture” back to Australia. Based on no one being able to understand me over here, I can only assume I am the first Australian to venture to this wilderness.
So, seven things that are uniquely American:
1.
Christmas Ale: So I ventured out to the
Cav’s game last week and stopped into a bar on the way; where I was served a glass of Christmas Ale. Yes, a beer brewed for Christmas. Please don’t bother reading the tasting notes, I will summarise for you- beer brewed with pre-chewed roast turkey. Sounds good? NOOOOOOOOOO. Please, put it down and slowly back away from the Christmas Ale. I will say, much to the amusement of my drinking buddy, I drank every last drop (I am Australian).
2. The American language: So I was at one of the better restaurants in Cleveland. This was the first place I have been to where you don’t get asked if you want
chips or
fries with that (apparently there is a difference). The menu listed the appetisers, pasta and entrees. I was so confused when someone asked me what I was after. It took Lisa, the more acclimatised Australian at the table to translate for me. So, in America, appetisers are entrees and entrees are main meals. I don’t to be rude, but entree is French for entrance NOT MAIN MEAL. Don’t believe me ==>
definition of entree. When has
wikipedia ever been wrong?
3. Double beef, extra cheese and a bud LIGHT: Only in the land of the free would someone order 2 kilos of meat between cheese and bread with a side of pizza that consists of multiple kinds of cheese but have it with a Bud light because it has fewer calories. Most places over here are table service, but if it is not, the walk to the bar is considered daily exercise (please stop the talk of pots and kettles).
4.
A beer with no bubbles: I am confused by the fact this country has more brewers and kinds of beer than Australia has fitness firsts but they regularly serve beer without a head and without bubbles. I have to be honest and say I am not frequenting the most upstanding of establishments, but no matter where you are a beer is a beer. It has a head on it people. As for the bubbles, work it out please.
5. American pizzas are good: Now, I don’t want the facts to get in the way here, but I will be honest and say this observation is based on one experience. I don’t have the sampling guide in front of me, but think that constitutes a
statistical sample. In the same bar as I noticed the beer in point 4, I had one of the best pizzas ever (you may have seen the picture in an earlier blog). Good base, not too much of anything (I did not think Americans could be restrained with any type of food) and great flavour. I was there with my Chilean mate, Antonio (emphasis on the T) and we were in agreement. And Antonio (emphasis on the T) does not settle for anything. Antonio (emphasis on the T) gets what Antonio (emphasis on the T) wants.
6. Revolving doors are not just in the movies: Without fail, any public place I enter over here uses revolving doors. I was a little scared of them at first and I soon worked out there was a right way and wrong way to revolve. Americans do everything on the wrong side (they refer to it as the correct side but we all know the difference between right and wrong, and clearly they
don’t). This includes driving, walking on the sidewalk and revolving through doors. But, when in Rome . . .
7.
Toilets – where do I start?: Since I have been here, I have learned many new things, and most of them about toilets. So there are a few special things I have noticed (sorry, but this is going to go places some people don’t want to, but I know you will read on- everyone loves a
train wreck). You may remember my first experience was in Chicago airport where I needed to read the instructions before I could work out how to use it. There was no flush button (it just happened), there was a rotating shower cap around the seat (seriously, the seat was
wrapped in plastic and when you waved your hand over a sensor, the plastic changed by rotating around the seat. Then there was the seat itself, it was so wide it was like sitting on a spa. The toilet in my apartment has a jet in it to help the flushing process. These matters are all disturbing, but I have also noticed Americans take whatever they are drinking in there with them (be that beer or coffee). I am not sure what they do with it in there but that is their business.
On other matters, a few cool things that have happened this week. I went out for a beer after work with Antonio (emphasis on the T) and it just happened to be the same night
The Boss was in town. The place we went to was packed with Springsteen fans and the bar was playing along with his songs over the stereo. Every now and then a Springsteen classic would come on and the whole room would sing, and there was
dance walking through the bar (that is a photo of the bar at the start of the post). It was a great experience and I can only imagine the atmosphere at the event was amazing. I tried to get tix but it was too expensive (only scalped tickets available).
I also got to taste salt water taffy (thanks to my boss’s boss). I was trepidatious but took the plunge. I loved it – really soft but chewy at the same time. The really surprising thing is it is not too sweet. I also hear American’s are not a fan which I can only put down to the fact it is not too sweet. This is the nation where high fructose corn syrup (the
crack of sugar) is the second largest ingredient in bread.
Sidebar- As I type, Taylor is now playing song two. As much pain as this causes me, I think she needs to get back behind the auto-tune.
I also got the opportunity to go to a Cavaliers NBA match. The Cavs are a big time team who have Shaquille O'Neal (4 time championship player) and LeBron James (home grown Ohio player who will likely make $22m next year). The team is hugely popular and the game was a spectacle. As the team is announced player by player, fire comes out of the four corners of the central score board. Throughout the game the home crowd is provoked by showing Cleveland’s mortal sporting enemies on the big screens (and they are not all basketball teams). The venue and whole event is amazing – I will be going to a few more games while I am here.
So there are a few things going on at the moment. The team I am working with is planning a trip to Washington (it was supposed to be this week but circumstances have prevented it). This Friday night we are going to Brassa which is a Brazilian restaurant (no hair in the food there). It is a carnivore’s dream mixed with a seafood and salad buffet. I have not eaten since Wednesday to prepare. I am going to Springfield to see Megs and big, bad Brad for Thanksgiving. In between all of this, a trip to Toronto is in order to catch up with
David. Somewhere in there there is of course the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Oh, and don't believe the stories you hear about how dangerous it is in Cleveland. So they are still exhuming bodies at the serial killer’s house 15 minutes down the road and there was a shooting 3 blocks the other way from my apartment. Apart from that, Cleveland is totally safe.
The next post is going to be dedicated to my adventure on public transport. You all thought it was not possible, but I caught and bus (and train).
Peace out.
Today's blog was brought to you by Sandy Eikner, our friendly Assurance L&D guru who keeps us smart and got me this gig. Thanks Sandy.
