Everything is bigger in the US

So we left off after my first American coffee and bagel. Let’s fast forward through the work day. Not because it was not good (the people were great and I really enjoyed it), but there are more everyday American experiences to talk about.

I will say, there are some photos that I need to take of the office block from the outside and inside. Apparently we are in the oldest building in Cleveland and it is spectacular. It has more history than Kym and I.

So I worked through the morning, but needed to get to the shops to get supplies. Also, I was getting tired after all of the travel so did not want to leave it too late. Luckily, I am working for someone who is very understanding and I was able to slip out at 2.

I went home and changed. The sun was out and it was 60 degrees (15C for the Australians out there). It was great weather for shopping. I decided to walk the streets of downtown for a cab (from what I can tell there is no uptown so downtown is all of the city centre). A couple of blocks down and to the left, I found an idle cab. I would love to be able tell you it was a yellow cab with black and white chequered stripes, but alas, it was a minivan. Not sexy, but what I needed at the time.

The cabbie was “interesting”. After being the second person today to ask me if I was British (are my teeth that bad?), he went on to tell me about his book he was writing about the subconscious and also that he dreamt he was going to open a fine arts museum, so that was his next life move. Good luck to him I say – but if he could keep the cab for the next 7 weeks that would be great as I have not need another one so far since being here.

I was off to Steelyard Commons, the place I was recommended to get all my stuff. It was only $12 bucks by cab (plus tip of course). In the cab, I asked to be taken there and also enquired if it was a good place to go for me to stock up. He said it was a standard strip mall. So, I found out a strip mall does not involve nudity or pole dancing, but a line of shops in a row, or strip. Now, I suggest to you all, that if you go to a strip mall, be strategic in your shopping decisions. If you do no plan it properly, you will end up walking the strip 4 times, at 400m each time, a k and a half. It is all a learning experience.

So I went into the Verison store to get a US sim card so I could use my precious google on the go. They were unable to provide a prepaid option that would run a blackberry. Although the sales person could not help me, she jumped on the net and found a provider who could which was so nice of her. She even told me how to get to the closest store. I was able to get sim and I was whole again (I used google maps today, more about that tomorrow).

From there, the call of Costco was too much. It was beckoning me from across the car park, and was bigger than the whole rest of the shopping centre. Costco is an American Campbells, Big W and Woolworths combined, but to me at the time, it was a warehouse of all products that were ever made, ever. It was perfect for me as I was tired and needed quite a few things which I was not expecting to get in one place, until I experienced the glory of Costco. Kudos to you Costco, kudos.

I walked out with a new toothbrush (sorry Caz, it was good for the plane but I needed more grunt for day to day), clippers for the beard (although length would be good in this weather), Tupperware, and groceries (food and general stuff like soap etc). It took me a while again due to lack of strategic shopping planning but mostly, I was lost in a store which is bigger than the whole of Pacific Fair.

So this is where the US gets big. Apparently, the idea in this place is you buy for the whole year. Everything was giant size. The smallest glad wrap I could get was 90 metres. I expect to use 10 meters while I am here, I will use the rest to make a giant weather balloon to set off a huge international hoax.

Then there was the cheese, oh the cheese. I was too in awe to get a photo but let’s just say I got puffed walking the length of the cheeses. There were cheese types which have not been invented yet in the cheese fridge. There were a group of monks praying to the cheese it is so revered in this country. I don’t disagree with this on principle, we all love a bit of cheese. Seeing it made me very disappointed in subway with only 3 cheese choices. They need to reach out to their heritage.

While I was there, I noted a few other peculiarities. You know when you buy bacon there is the long bit which is mostly fat, and there is the big, round bit that has all the meat. You will use the round but, and if you can be bothered, you will cut the fat off the long bit and use it as well. In Costco (and apparently this is the norm in the US), the only bacon they have is the long bit. I can only assume that is why Australia’s current account deficit is so low, we are collecting all of the left over fatty bacon strips we don’t use and sell it to the US. Good scam if you ask me. I am going to start my bottle return style bacon strip return when I get back and clean up.

This is of course if I ever come back. While I was there ambling from isle to isle, I found the BEER ISLE. I feel to my knees and forgave god for forsaking me after the shirts and Starbucks incidents. We have agreed we are square now. I was disappointed as with all of the stuff I had bought, I was not able to take any beer. Not beaten (I’m actually Beaton), when I got home, I walked over to the corner store and picked up half carton of Budweiser for $10. I may overstay my visa on this point alone.

So I picked up all of the essentials including fruit and veg, bread, salt, pepper etc. I was as strong as I have ever been and did not grab any American sweet streets, or so I thought. It turns out the bread is laced with high fructose corn syrup. This is the crack of sugar and basically stops your pancreas, and makes you WANT MORE. The bread will be interesting with vegemite – I assume it will be like spreading it on pop tarts. I cannot test this yet because If forget to get butter. I will be on the insulin in no time.

So I made my way through one of the 50 checkouts (I did not count them but there was 4 times as many as any Woolworths I have been to) and made my way out. I called my new taxi driver friend / spiritual advisor and made my way home. This trip was about his 3 ex-wives and more about his fine arts gallery. I think there is a chance he will have to get rid of the deadlocks before the grand opening.

So day one in the US was eventful with my first breakfast and coffee, meeting my new workmates and having an adventurous shopping experience. In the immortal words of Yaxx, the only way is up.

Peach out.

PS that is my apartment in the pic above. How cool does it look!!!